The pain

I am surrounded by darkness, and I don’t know which way I need to turn.  I have been trying to find the light that does not exist.  In the absence of sanity only thing that prevails is stupidity, and that’s what has hit me.  What am I doing to myself, and the person I care the most about?  I sometimes wonder where did all those days go when everything was a joke? Why can’t I live that anymore?  I have been in the dumps all day, actually last couple of days when I don’t know what’s happening to me, I feel lost and looking for a Shepard to lead me into the light. When I look into my future I see a lot of pain, more for people I care about than me.  What am I doing? Where is all this headed? I just want to go back to those Pittsburgh days when everything was just a joke and nothing really existed.  Today I am finally part of this world and I don’t want to be, I really don’t want to be a part of this stupid place.  

I feel like my world is shrinking and I am in it, waiting to be crushed…….. I wish I had the will power to face this challenge… I pray I had the will power to face this…