Wish i had a beer

Pretty shitty day, I haven’t done a thing, and have just been wishing that I had something to drink to fucking wash some of the shitty thoughts out of my head.  I think over the years drinking has just become a crutch which I use when I feel things aren’t in my control.  I got to have more strength, need to look at life in a more realistic way!!!!!  I was just thinking of those days when I started drinking, AJ telling me “dude fucking just start drinking it will help wash down the pain”, does sound kind of corny I know.  Those were the days when I was on my all time lows, the girl I thought I loved didn’t love me, and since then its all been downhill,
drinking when I am happy, drinking when I am sad,
drinking when I feel lousy, drinking when I have been bad.
It has served me quite a bit, in the last few years.  To have gone through 7 years learning to live with my life with the aid of the bottle, has made me rely on it a little too much.  Today when I want it this bad, I am holding back, realizing that I need to take it easy a bit.